There can be no real freedom without the freedom to fail.
I am from Iowa. I lived there until I was 24… I didn’t know you were allowed to leave.
–Jake Johannsen (San Francisco comic)
I guess one person can make a difference, but most of the time, they probably shouldn’t
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
and sorry I could not travel both —Robert Frost (The Road Not Taken)
Free will is a terrifying notion especially when you exercise it. I hesitate to broach the subject because the odds are astronomically high that I will come off sounding clueless and self serving, a departure from my petty and ingracious nature. Coming back to Minnesota brings out deeply conflicted feelings I harbor about leaving my adopted home. When I talk with friends whose families made huge life changing moves, there were usually Cossacks involved in the decision. For JoAnne and me, it was a heart wrenching choice that was not influenced by the Ninth District Court of Appeals. My new life (eight years already) is filled with friends, activities, and as much meaning as I am likely to find in southern California.
I make it harder by visiting in early October (note to self, come back in February). There is nothing more enjoyable than wandering the streets of Minneapolis on a beautiful fall day. I walked Lake of the Isles, the Greenway, and the newest incarnation of Calhoun Square. For those who take HLP land for granted as I once did, the bustle of young people, the abundance of dogs, and the leaves beginning to turn can’t help but imbued one with a sense of optimism.
Even my friends with little interest in sports have been to the new Twins stadium. Their joy and civic pride is so evident that I couldn’t help but smile. Minnesotans look for ways to build community, and Target Field is a good example. After I went to a game (a 13-2 drubbing by Toronto) I was so in awe of the experience, I happily leaped on the bandwagon. Still challenges abound. Which highway entrances and exits are not under construction? How do you get across town without Crosstown? There are many, many houses for sale, yet coming from bankrupt California, the local economy looks fairly healthy.
I sense I am avoiding the existential question. Should a decision of the magnitude of where to live be left to someone so quixotic, and ill informed? I was a (very) young Republican. I attended a Mamas and Papas concert. I bought Circuit City stock at 42. I wore bell bottoms for goodness sake. I didn’t install it, but I lived with orange shag carpeting. What would suggest that I am an informed decision maker?
The more I consider it, the question is not happiness or fulfillment. JoAnne and I love our life in California while we miss our old house, friends, and the spirit of the neighborhood. I am occasionally (all right daily) dwarfed by the decision. I am not suggesting a Politburo, or even a 5.2 computer software update to guide our major life choices, comrade. It is just difficult having no one to blame. Moving states doesn’t compare to religious conversion, changing genders, launching a new career, or enlisting in the military. Where do people with options find the strength to roll the dice and commit to a new life? After eight years I am still whining about missing the fall colors.
Tom H. Cook was disappointed to see the Twins season end so ignobly. After eight years he is still whining about missing the fall colors.